Time. Hunting Down The Perfect...

House.

I'm back to looking at houses.  Which means, yes, we'll be buying our THIRD fucking house.  And the budget I have (compared to the other two combined) is ginormous.  Seriously.  And I have time - which is a rich thing to have as a buyer.  I will have the ability to put in multiple bids AND eventually decide on what I would like.  The husband travels so much that this house will be mine, for the most part... so I've got to be comfortable in it while he's gone.  Choggie has aged and sometimes doesn't hear the knock on the door or the ringing of the bell.  :0((

Simple list....

• House has to be over 1800 SQF.
• House has to have a garage (single is good, double is better).
• House has to have a minimum of three bedrooms, three + den, or three + family room.  Husby and I want our separate offices AND a guest room always prepared for people.  Yeah, Tito.  I know.  I'm fucking crazy and you'd "never risk it".  STFU.  And, yes.  I was "talking to you."  Want to prove something???  Send her down.  Go build something or take your own vacation.
• House has to have a good kitchen - no exceptions.  Exceptions will be made if the house is below budget; therefore, making the renovations happen within the budget.
• Skylights.  They are big-huge-awesome here.  I'd love to have more than the two in each bath.
• Screened-in porch.  Useless in June, July, and August... yet worth their weight in gold during the other not-so-hot months.  I'm already planning on sleepy furniture!!
• I'm good with late '70s to early '80s retro.
• Would love an in-ground pool.  This is probably not ever happening because the husband doesn't like them.  A bitch can hope, right???  :P

If the flooring sucks -

We'll replace it (hardwoods, tile, whatever)

If the wall color blows -

We'll repaint it.  All in one long weekend, hopefully.

Landscaping - plenty o' companies.

Appliances I hate - changed out.  I'm missing having a Jenn-Aire stove.  NEEDED.

That's it for now.  My list probably looks like it belongs to a spoiled child, but I don't care.  I want this house to be "it" for us (at least 5 years).  

Under Pressure.

"I'm Not Bossy, I'm the Boss"

One of my favorite newest songs by Sinead O'Connor.  You can catch it on YouTube here... but I've supplied the lyrics.  I underlined the ones that resonated most with me.  Hope you enjoy it as much as I do.  <3  <3  <3

8 Good Reasons

Sinead O'Connor

"I'm Not Bossy, I'm the Boss"

Don't know if I should quite sing this song

Don't know if it maybe might be wrong

But then again, it maybe might be right

To tell you about the bullet and the red light...

You know I'm not from this place

I'm from a different time and a different space

And it's real uncomfortable

To be stuck somewhere you don't belong...

I had a dream one night

About a bullet and a red light

You know, it felt all right

It actually felt quite nice

(Whisper)

If I could've gone, without hurting anyone

Like a child, I would have found my mum

Like a bird I would've made and flown

You know, I don't much like life

I don't mind admitting that it ain't right

You know I love to make music

But my head got wrecked by the business

Everybody wants something from me

They rarely ever just want to know me

I became the stranger no one sees

Cut glass, I crawl upon my knees

But, I've got eight good reasons to stick around

Eight good reasons

Well, maybe nine now....

I had a dream one night

About a bullet and a red light

You know, it actually felt quite nice

But, I've got eight good reasons to stick around

Eight good reasons

Well, maybe nine now....

Decisions. Damsel Without A Dress.

This week has been crazy thus far.  Not in a bad way... just full of weird possibilities and interesting things that are currently happening and will be happening.  It's a lot to digest, really.

So... I want an Audi.  I've wanted one forever, really.  Husby says I can get one... but I've got to get a job and buy it outright.  So, most of the weekend, I spent on the interwebz driving myself fucking cray-cray looking for employment (can anyone tell me why most companies want a comprehensive resumé yet still make you fill out an ENTIRE JOB APPLICATION on line??) - it boggles the mind.  Seriously.  I guess that's neither here nor there, because I managed to get not one, but two interviews for tomorrow.  Hopefully, they'll both go well and fight over my brilliant personality (hardy-har-har-har!!).  Anyhow, for those of you that care, send me good vibes.

For those of you that hate-read, go do something productive.  Like harass someone else or try and make other friends.

Yeah, I just wrote that.

And then the wedding.  I fucking forgot to put my order in online and guess what??  "It's fucked to the moon, Alice!!".  Tomorrow morning I've got to get the two dresses, cool bathing suit, and funky shirt sent out ASAP (to the additional shipping tune of $24.95.  From New Jersey.  Of all places.  Which means... using the telephone.  I'm trying to avoid the phone because I have a feeling that my new job is going to have a LOT to do with telephones.  And people with demands.  Oh, well.  Do I want my Audi??  Yes.

It's too late to be up and the place where I had my biopsy done is itching like mad.  But from the inside, you know??  So it's healing.  I think I'm going to take a pain pill and then play some kind of word game on my iPhone (it always fucks me up, because sometimes I still think in German or French and then get pissed at the AMERICAN game.  SMDH.)

It'll be a make-up day for sure.  Either that or I'll look like Guy Smiley from the Muppet Show freaking out on four days of meth.  Fun!!  x0x0

Lumps and Bumps.

Well, I'm back off to NOLA next week.  My mammogram didn't come out so hot, so I need to go in for a needle biopsy.  I don't think that I'm really freaked out... after having cancer previously, I tend to take the "chill out and wait" position.  If it is, I'll make decisions when the results come in.  If it isn't, I'll drink a bottle of wine and celebrate.

After how this year has been, with some of the shit I've put up with, a little tiny cyst isn't really going to ruin my tea party, if you know what I mean.  Four (or maybe five?) years ago, I had a mammogram come back with a bunch of little tiny bumps.  At the time, I was a huge coffee addict... and come to find out, caffeine can cause lumps in breast tissue.  So I dropped all the caffeine and had a clean mammogram nine months later.

Looking at my recent lifestyle... uh, caffeine consumption has gone up-uP-UP.  So I quit all caffeine on Monday (and I'm trying to stay off the web, work on my music collection, and not interact very much with people until I'm off the smack) and started eating cleaner.  Maybe it's too little too late - or maybe it'll work.  Dunno.  C'est la vie.

I can't help but think of how ironic this all is.  After all, I'll be turning 40 this month.  Might end up with a set of new tits, too.  And to think of how many women would just love to skip the cancer and get a new set of boobs.  Thank the FSM for my sense of humor.

Not Giving A Fuck. And... Giving A Fuck.

There are certain things that I have just quit caring about.  I don't think that I really gave too much of a fuck to begin with (it's in my nature), but some things in life just are not worth worrying about.  At this point, I just don't want to be bothered with:

• How some people feel.  Too bad, so sad.  Go find someone to shrink your head.  I'm not it.
• How some people attempt to make me feel.  Quit.  Go guilt some other person.  Go away.
• Behaving much like an adult.  Being the grown-up in a situation sucks. 
• Having to keep my atomic pie-hole shut.  Because that's what the adults do.  See???
• Being baited.
• Not putting people in the middle of shit.  Leaving things alone.
• Gamma*, don't go away mad.  Gamma*, just go away.

Now, here are the things that I do care very much about.  And some of the things that I care about might be a bit materialistic, but it is what it is.  :0))

• My friends.  J, C, CLV, AS, CS, KLD, JS, JB, LF, and (Mom)RL... thank you all for being there for me continuously.  Even though everyone is weathering their own storms at times, I have never hesitated to pick up the phone and call any of you.  And vice-versa.  Most of you have been there for me since before I graduated high school (some have come along in recent years), but even over a span of time, I can pick up the phone and call... and you're there. 
• My derby family.  From Shreveport, to New Orleans, and now in Florida... all of you are truly amazing and brilliant women.  Polly and Shootzie (Shreveport) - it was so good to see you both and hang out for a couple of nights.  Minute Maid, Holly, Darko, Marie LaFreaux, Strangler, and Amity... you made me part of the NOLA derby scene and I miss you all.  Can't wait to go back and see you bull run!!!
• Awesome friends and neighbors, S&L, who were gracious and wonderful to all the friends I introduced to the NOLA way of life... and who made sure we were there for Christmas Eve, NYE, and all the crawfish boils... working out doggie day care and helping out with letting me crash over there when our AC went out one weekend (and letting me stay while I finished up with our house).  L&N live in our old house and I can't wait to see them, either.  L is one of the sweetest people I've ever met and I'm so proud and happy to be her friend.
• Choggie.  I love her so much and she's the sweetest, most loveable pup-dog ever.  I'm thankful for every day that she's with us (she's 12 and has had some health problems as of late) and I make sure that I do something for her every single day that makes her happy.  Note:  I can't catch a squirrel, so that's out.  But chew-eez and belly rubs and walks are not.  :0))
• My husband.  Everyone who knows who we are understands.  Nothing more to be said - except I love him more than anything.
• The opportunities that will be happening over the next year.  Travel to interesting places across the United States, Europe, and Japan.  Possibly some road trips to see extended family and friends who live nearby and further away.  Looking forward to catching up with Nikki Talley and Jason Sharp... two of my favorite musicians (they're touring now - Google!!).
• Having people come to visit me.  :0))  This makes me really, really dangerously happy.  I enjoy company and introducing them to where I live.  Oh, I get a bit excited, but I don't juggle with butcher knives or anything.  Instead, I use the knives to get appetizers ready, cut veggies, make cheese trays, and sliced fruit prepared.  Wine and beer and sweet malt beverages are chilled, the guest room and bath prepared, and a fun visit is guaranteed. 

I guess that's all for now.  I think I had to vent the bad before I could post the good.  Thanks for reading.  Send comments if you'd like.  x0x0

*Gamma - Google (Urban Dictionary is quite interesting on the subject also).

Gaps. Reset.

I'm back.  I've re-opened my blog to the (probably very, very, very small) public who may read this... and if you were a regular reader, you'll probably notice some very big gaps between dates.

Those posts have been reverted back to drafts.  I'm keeping them (for my own personal journal) and to remind me of certain things.  So, apologies if you're missing those entries.  They simply evoked very negative feelings and that's not what I want to look at.  This is supposed to be about me - nothing more and nothing less.

So, I'm going to reset myself.  Oh, yes, I am.  And guess what??  It started this very morning.  There was a jabby little post (which could've made me feel downright stabbity) and I just looked at it, did a mental shrug, and didn't even bother.  Then, I talked to a friend, packed up my gear, went to the gym, and then over to the beach.  While there, the dark storm clouds moved in and I simply got up and went to the car.  Finished my errands (post office, bank, store, get the Vee-Dubs some gas) and now I'm home. 

From now on, I'm staying away from the storms.  I'll watch them from a distance, but that will be it. 

Not to say that there won't be some sort of rant from time to time.  But I've got a ton of stuff on my list that I'd like to do - and being in abject misery isn't going to make any of that happen.  So piss off, negativity. 

Cha-Cha-Changes.

David Bowie was spot-on.

Changes happen.  Oh, fuck, do they happen.  And we all roll with the punches of life, don't we??  Dealing with a mortgage, rent, utilities, work, and extra-curricular activities are absolutes.  If you don't pay your utilities, they will be shut off.  Everyone deals with the same issues and makes a change if necessary.  Don't have enough gas money each month??  Might have to switch priorities - the additional cell phone has to go OR the dining out once a week has to be canceled.  That's something every adult member of society (for the most part) can understand.  But the big question I have is:  why can't we admit to (or even consider) changing our minds???

Thoughts, ideas, theology, politics, hypotheses - these things are not solid.  They are fluid and malleable.  They can all be changed.  It can be a large thing that happens; an agnostic has a near-death experience and decides to find a religion that works... or it can be a small thing; you're given a hand-up and you decide to pay it forward.  Either way, your perspective has changed and you've decided to do something a little differently -regardless as to whether your conscious mind knows it or not.

Then why, oh why do people try and push their religious agenda on their fellow human beings by using the secular legal system?? Why can't we have an open dialogue, listen to the other side, and maybe - just maybe - change our way of thinking??  Or at the minimum, accept that another person CAN have a viewpoint that differs from your own??  Because it's fucking scary, that's why.  We've become a nation that believes "changing our mind" means "flip-flopping" (thanks to political pundits and our sorry educational system, a stunningly large portion of people believe everything that happens on the bullshit box - AKA "television") and that the concept of "flip flopping" is baaaaaaaaaad.  Really??

Confession:  I *am* a "flip-flopper".  Oh, the shame.  The humanity!!

Yes, I am an opinionated person.  Yet, if I'm having an educated (civil) discussion about a topic and find out that I didn't know as much as I thought I did... if I was dead-on wrong about the subject??  I'd end up going home, mull things over, find various articles, read about the subject (preferably from both viewpoints), and will more than likely discuss the topic with other friends.  You know, gain a new perspective and all that shit??  Yep.  And guess what?  It's about a 50-50 chance that I might change my bloody mind.  That's right, Internet.  I said it.

Luckily, I have friends who are very diverse and who are also very accepting of my choices... I am, after all, an out-of-the-closet atheist.  Oh, and a liberal.  And a Massachusetts Yankee (living in the Bible Belt).  And a hedonist (by nature).  And I'm also child-free-by-choice.  I don't hide what I am.

So... do you feel like getting together?? Maybe having a couple of cocktails and talking about something interesting??  I'm in - if you are.

Rational dialogue for the win.

Let's Talk About...

Friends.  Companions.  Cohorts.  Cronies.  Mates.  Peas In A Pod.  Comrades.  Buddies.

Most importantly, the people who feed your soul.  No, I'm not discussing a spouse or lover.  What I'm thinking about is those who stand by you OUTSIDE of your (possibly fucked-up) family.  The go-to person (or people) who listen patiently to your drunk (or sober) rants, calls, texts, and who simply are THERE for you, judgement-free.  A support system you can turn to in any time of need - people who are there to give you moral support or send you a positive message just on a whim.  Because...

They love you.

You can be funny...
They love you.
You can be stupid and annoying and cray-cray...
They love you.
You can be sad, depressed, down and out...
They love you.
You can can cry over trivial things...
They love you.
You can laugh, grin, be silly...
They love you.
You can piss and moan about your family...
They love you.
You can enjoy silent moments that are not uncomfortable...
They love you.
You can be yourself (regardless of stereotypes)...
They love you.
You can be a shit-ton of miles away (in different time zones, even)...
They love you.
You can have opposing views, opinions, religious and political ideals...
They love you.
You can be radically different from each other...
They love you.
You can SIMPLY BE...
And they STILL love you.

I'm lucky to have people in my life like this.  Sometimes nothing more than a kind word can be the catalyst to the beginning of Something Great.  What may seem like a small gesture at the time... could be the beginning of an epic friendship.

It takes an open mind and an the ability to accept ANY possibility.  Try it.  What DO you have to lose????

A WTF Funk.

I am in a funk.  There's no reason for me to feel like this.  You know, first-world problems and all that happy horse shit.  But my brain doesn't ever just shut down - not even enough to get a good night's sleep without medication.  I'm not OCD or ADD or ADHD.  I haven't been diagnosed with any weird mental disease.  I'm not Off My Rocker.  My body simply doesn't provide enough of the chemicals that I need in order to relax or simply zone out and quit thinking.  

Which can be Very Frustrating at times.  Tonight happens to be one of Those Times.  

Sometimes I think in a constant loop.  Just like that shitty movie "Groundhog Day" (fuck, I hated that movie with a passion - it made me want to throat-punch Bill Murray) - the same thoughts keep happening over and over without any change.  Or I tend to look back and think of the mistakes I've made or certain choices I've made and I want things to be different.  Then it bothers me because I feel like I'm trying to lose myself or change an intrinsic part of my personality.  Other things make me angry and frustrated and I don't know how to fix them - or even if I want them to be fixed (which usually has a lot to do with my family).  Speaking of family...

I wonder if anyone in my immediate family ever thinks about me or just how broken we all are.  Somehow, I doubt it.  Dysfunction has turned into normal and it's accepted and I am the same as I've always been; an outlier.  How is it that I've felt this way for most of my life???  Despite the soul-searching and positive reinforcement given to me regarding certain choices that I've made, I still feel like I've fucked up or am utterly lacking in so many areas.

Why can't I just take a pill and assimilate into pop culture and be a vapid little lollipop girl???  It would be so. very. easy.  To never think about politics or religion or social issues.  To not-care about basic human rights.  To ditty-bop along and not worry about whether or not I'll have reproductive rights or even the ability to choose if I'd like to keep a pregnancy or not.  Why can't my whole life revolve around getting the newest Chanel perfume, Jimmy Choos, or wearing the latest haute couture???  Sometimes I envy those type of people.  They never seem to think.

Yet, I can't stop thinking.  WTF??

Poor Grammar. The Name Game. Bad Buffets.

This post may be a little ramble-y, so please bear with me.  I can be a bit of a grouchy grammar-nazi. Oh, sure, some of the things I write on this blog are not grammatically correct or maybe even spelled right (although I use the spell check religiously); however, I do grasp the importance of being able to spell and write properly.  And, admittedly, I do pull a Judge-y McJudgerson when I see *text speak* - or when people write phonetically.  I tend to think that they are unintelligent and lazy (in that particular order, ThankYouVeryMuch) and can't be bothered with being correct.  Perfect example(s):

At Our Local Pet Store

Clerk (ringing me up):  "This weather be crazy!!  I was wearing a beach dress yesterday and sweating to beat the second line!!  Can you believe I'm now in snow pants???

(Can only understand a fraction of this until she repeats a second time)

Juggsy:  "I can't get used to it!!  One day I'm hot, one day I'm freezing.  Ugh!!  (All the while I'm trying to get my shit and "git" ASAP).

Clerk:  "This weather has certainly been by-ronic!!  We all gunna die from the flu and the ebola, too!!

Juggsy:  "Yes, the weather has been IRONIC (big emphasis on IRONIC) and I'm ready for spring." 

Clerk:  "Oh, baby girl!!  Bless  your heart!!  You've gotten my term wrong... it's BY-RONIC."  

No need to fight.  Just took my bags and left.  Seriously.  I do have to hand it to the clerk... she was outgoing, friendly, and could fucking multi-task.  I mean, telling me how my grammar sucked, while swiping my items through a scanner AND bagging.  Where is Donald Trump's next CEO when SHE'S RIGHT HERE???  Can I get a finders fee???  Pretty please???

The Names

Over the last month, I've noticed names and name tags.  Partially because of the culture, but others were just of the 'kr8ive" mind (it fucking KILLS ME to write "creative" that way).  Quite frankly, I just asked how they pronounce their own names, rather than embarrass myself.  Some are: 

• Rayvyn - seriously???  You needed to have two y's??)
• Ahlyviaa - AKA Olivia.  Horrid.  Oh, HORRID.
• Rainbow and Brooke Trout (identical twins).  Punny, at best.  But still gag-worthy.
• Dick (for a surname) - as in Rusty Dick.
• Shirma (pronounced Shah-Nee-Kwah) - gawd forbid you say it wrong!!

Bad Buffets

And why we don't eat at them, ever.  Unless highly recommended by other CFBC peeps...

I quit eating at buffets when we lived overseas.  Why?  Because 90% did not offer a buffet and of those that did, catered to the US (read: young, with children AND hugely also consisting of a large elderly population that may not have the money to do something better)... MASSIVELY huge family base restaurant with a handful of broke E1 or E2 soldiers going there, too.  I sincerely stopped going when I saw a toddler up to his ELBOWS in the mashed potatoes.  And when I went to get a manager...???  Her excuse happened to be "kid's will be kids."  NEVER.  NEVER again am I going to ANY buffet.  No fucking how, NO FUCKING WAY.  

Please don't worry about my blood-pressure.  It's very happy.  I'm going to see a good friend tomorrow, and she's the bomb diggity.  Just wish our other bestie could come and sing some Johnny Cash, too.

Lagnaiappe

A picture of me.  Oh, I'm sure this did something for someone.  Cheers.

Pre-Spring Purge.

Today, I went through a few boxes.  Five, to be exact - they were on the large side, too.  These had been packed (and put in storage) a few weeks before we moved to Germany (so they've been sitting around waiting for roughly 6+ years or so) and I finally opened them to discover...

Far more trash than treasure.  A fuck-ton of trash, really.  Two large black lawn garbage bags FULL o' trash.  There were some things that I physically looked at, touched, and then thought "why did I keep this unholy horror?"  I found my mother's old soufflé pan (I'd like to bake her ass - needless to say:  TRASH!!).  I found my original Cabbage Patch doll dress (with no doll - WTF??).  Came across some old school papers (not from high school - but from my first year of college) - which were absolutely wretched.  It amazes me how much crap I had to churn out for a 100-level English course.  Why I kept this unnecessary stuff is the big question.  Why did I keep this??  I couldn't recall a specific memory attached... there were no personal notes nor commentary added... it was just a big blur.  I wonder if that's why we forget things when we start getting older??  It dims the highs in life just like it brightens the lows.  Maybe we aren't really meant to remember everything.  At least I hope not.  I'd probably come up lacking in the "true happiness" department.  Yet...

I did come across some gems.  My first expensive purse from Coach (why did I feel the need to put that in storage for years??) and some charms and jewelry from when I was a child.  A couple of amusing books, comic strips, and travel magnets.  Love letters (you know, snail mail!!).  Lists of books that I'd like to have.  And this big folder of clippings just full of "dream house" ideas (let me tell you, if I used all those ideas, my house would be pretty fucking tack-0-licious!!) - which I'm culling through because some of those ideas were GOOD ideas.  Just not all together, you know.

A part of me feels off-kilter and disconnected today.  Maybe that's why I decided to go through some things - maybe think a little bit about decisions and choices and paths and all that.  After all, hindsight is 20/20.  Too bad I couldn't tell the future.

If I could, I'd play the lottery every year.

A Half-Dozen Delights. Closing Bell For 2014.

Six special stand-outs for me... six moments, memories, snips of time, and days which made me sublimely happy.  A reflection, of sorts, and appreciation for just how good things can be.

**Please note, these are not in any particular   

One.

Traveled throughout most of the Southeastern United States - especially around the Gulf of Mexico, wiggling my toes in the white sand beaches, feeling the surf and sun on my skin, the saltiness in the air and on my tongue.  Greatly needed solitude.  

Mexico Beach, Florida.  I spent three wonderfully lavish days here.  

Photo credit goes to Mexico Beach Properties, LLC

Two.

Exploring my city, finding neighborhood gems, urban treks into the unknown, stumbling across interesting pubs, restaurants, and nightclubs.  Sharing my newly-found knowledge with family and special friends, enjoying their surprise and delight.  Seeing New Orleans through their eyes.

My beloved New Orleans city skyline at dusk.  

Photo credit goes to Cathy Ayers Richard x0x0

Three.

My roller derby family.  Planning, playing, volunteering, putting the "fun" into FUNdraisers, the premiere party of MURDERDROME ("Stop Screaming and Start Skating!"), co-ed mash-ups, Dirty South, after-parties, and yet there is always room for greasy pizza and roller-rink nachos.  Beer and shots and injuries and camaraderie.  

Photo credit goes to IMdB (dot) com

Four.

I'm a [part-time] working stiff!!  Gainfully employed and loving every day that I go into the office.  No two days are ever the same, my "office" can be one of many venues, and I'm able to suck up knowledge and information like a sponge.  One of the best things about my job is that I interact with people from all over the world and get asked some of the most off-the-wall, funny, random, and very odd questions.  But I do wonder if some of these people had ever thought to use Google or Bing before coming over to ask me...??

Five.

New-Old-Reconnected friends.  One weekend hanging out with both of them gave me such joy.  We have all been talking for some time, but we *finally* were able to get together and it was ah-may-ZING.  I felt like I was hanging out with my soul mates - no filters, no pretenses, no need to put on airs... we all are on the same wavelength.  They are there for me and I am there for them.  Even though we are apart geographically, I would feel like there is something missing if I don't message them most every day.  I love you guys, and you know who you are.  x0x0x0

Our super-swank hangout at The Barn

I took this pic eons ago... after we had finally unpacked everything.

Six.

My depression was pretty tame this year.  Of course, I had some shitty moments every now and again (who doesn't have a shitty day every so often??) - but I was able to overcome them and back to being happy and quite content.  No more meds for me, either (well, maybe a little valium to overcome anxiety every once in a while, but it's a low dose).  And I've found a fabulous doctor (yes, I actually have a Primary Care Physician) who is helping me with my insomnia hell.  I actually sleep now!!  And that includes napping, too.  

Right before I took my nap on the couch this afternoon...  

Selfie taken with my iPhone 6P

Lagniappe.

New Orleans Creole word for "something extra".  

A few moments while in my kitchen, I felt beautiful, attractive, and simply acted on impulse.  I still get the warm fuzzies while thinking about it.

That sums up my year pretty perfectly.  

Happy New Year to you all.