Catching Up...

With some old friends from high school can be quite illuminating.  Brilliantly so.

Last night, I had the benefit of comparing the attention-seeking behavior of a certain person with someone I hadn't talked to since graduation.  We ended up in a discussion because of some rumors  that were told about me way back in the day.  Not really surprised... not after the crap I've put up with.  And the moodiness, and the excuses I told myself time and time again when I felt like I was being shit on and my feelings were being played like a goddamned instrument.

And I'm very happy to say, I wasn't wrong with my assessment of this particular person.  As-a-matter-of-fact, their personality hasn't changed since junior high... now, there is just a thin veneer of humility that they've slapped on.  When that rubs off... just say "hello" to the asshole.  I don't feel bad about giving someone another chance... what I feel horrible about is the fact that my gut instinct told me that there was NO WAY that someone could change THAT MUCH.  And for fuck's sake... was I right.

I finally get free of this toxic shit and guess what???  This person keeps popping up in small corners of my life.  The rants about not having relationships and whatever??  The inappropriate behavior and temper tantrums??  Keeping up the emotional merry-go-round and drama around every turn??  The inability to act like an adult and fuck off properly??

Sigh.  I can't see it happening.  Obsessive-compulsive people never. ever. stop.

Shrinkage.

Interesting reading.  Flipping through some of my psychology and sociology textbooks in order to decide what I'm going to keep and what I'm going to get rid of.  This was a chapter that grabbed my attention - in regards to the "type" of men in Western society.  Reading this certainly made me far less depressed about a situation in which I had to make an ugly decision.  Sadly, I'm still dealing with residual guilt, even though I knew that severing ties with this person was the healthiest thing for me at the time.

“The introspective, the unusual, the unattractive, and all too often the bitter. Gammas are often intelligent, usually unsuccessful with women, and not uncommonly all but invisible to them, the gamma alternates between placing women on pedestals and hating the entire sex. This mostly depends upon whether an attractive woman happened to notice his existence or not that day. Too introspective for their own good, gammas are the men who obsess over individual women for extended periods of time and supply the ranks of stalkers, psycho-jealous ex-boyfriends, and the authors of excruciatingly romantic rhyming doggerel. In the unlikely event they are at the party, they are probably in the corner muttering darkly about the behavior of everyone else there… sometimes to themselves. Gammas tend to have have a worship/hate relationship with women, the current direction of which is directly tied to their present situation. However, they are sexual rejects, not social rejects.  They identify with women as being friends, but usually jealousy, manipulation, and outright 'twisting of words' will force those friendships to come to an unpleasant end.  The Gamma wants attention and when he finds people that do provide for his needs, he will eventually emotionally strangle them.  He is needy and can be very unpleasant when certain expectations set by him are not met by others.  They are also known to compartmentalize certain aspects of their life by avoiding overlap completely.  This makes it nearly impossible to maintain a friendship status with a Gamma male, as he will only be as honest as necessary.  The Gamma cannot be expected to be relied on for much if it isn't in his interest or if it will not further his agenda as these males are as selfish as those around them allow them to be.” - Donall & Stephens, 2008 (textbook edit/Modern Psychology)

Any spelling errors are mine and mine alone.  

Oh, and I think I'm going to keep this textbook.

On My Own.

This is definitely not a *pity party*, so don't mistake it for one.  I was simply looking at my husby's work calendar and it looks like he'll be home for a grand total of 31 days out of the next 90 (and that includes the 4 days that we'll be flying to DC for a wedding in July).  It's not me that I'm worried about - it's him.  Speaking from experience, it utterly sucks to have to live in hotels for 2 - 3 weeks on end, although I will concede that the housekeeping and room services are nice. 

Previous to moving here (and while getting settled in), I was looking forward to inviting friends from different areas of the country to come and spend some time with me while the husband was gone, you know, just to have company and enjoy the beautiful beaches (and delicious seafood, shopping, and amenities).  Now??  Only a handful of people have made the invite list thanks to a "real" eye-opening experience during my move.  There's really only a small handful of friends I want to entertain (CR, JL, LF, S&L, L&N)... and after I make my solid schedules with them, I will be traveling instead of being the hostess. 

In June, I'll be heading back to New Orleans for a long weekend.  I'm so excited to go - I can't wait to see my friends and do the "front porching" thang!!  Since L&N moved into our old house, I can stay there also, if I want to.  There's a list of restaurants that I want to go to and I'm looking forward to seeing some of my favorite co-workers.  I love NOLA!!  :D

Hopefully, on my way home, I can stop and see another bestie - and we can hang out in Gulfport for a night or two.  I'm looking forward to firming plans up and grabbing some Franzia and room service.  Lounging by the pool on the top of the hotel would be cool - seeing the ocean as we swim.  Laughing and having a good time and not having a worry in the world. 

In July, we'll be attending my niece's wedding in DC.  She's actually getting married in Chevy Chase, MD (which makes me laugh - considering how much I love the "National Lampoon's Vacation" movies.  It's going to be a quick jaunt, but we should be able to throw in a little sightseeing.  I'd like to go to the Smithsonian - but with the time constraints??  I should probably lower my expectations.

Since husby is gone for most of the month of August, I may go to New England.  I'll probably skip most of Massachusetts (except to stop and see JL and two of my favorite cousins) and then head straight to Maine.  I don't want to run into anyone - considering how dangerous I can be!!!  ;)

Those are my plans for now... of course, things are subject to change.  I'm On My Own for a little while, but I'm going to take advantage of that and check off a bunch of stuff on my list.  Arizona and California are on the short list also... just depends on how much time I do have and what the flight prices look like. 

Compared to what March, April, and May looked like... summer is gleaming like a gem!! 

Cha-Cha-Changes.

David Bowie was spot-on.

Changes happen.  Oh, fuck, do they happen.  And we all roll with the punches of life, don't we??  Dealing with a mortgage, rent, utilities, work, and extra-curricular activities are absolutes.  If you don't pay your utilities, they will be shut off.  Everyone deals with the same issues and makes a change if necessary.  Don't have enough gas money each month??  Might have to switch priorities - the additional cell phone has to go OR the dining out once a week has to be canceled.  That's something every adult member of society (for the most part) can understand.  But the big question I have is:  why can't we admit to (or even consider) changing our minds???

Thoughts, ideas, theology, politics, hypotheses - these things are not solid.  They are fluid and malleable.  They can all be changed.  It can be a large thing that happens; an agnostic has a near-death experience and decides to find a religion that works... or it can be a small thing; you're given a hand-up and you decide to pay it forward.  Either way, your perspective has changed and you've decided to do something a little differently -regardless as to whether your conscious mind knows it or not.

Then why, oh why do people try and push their religious agenda on their fellow human beings by using the secular legal system?? Why can't we have an open dialogue, listen to the other side, and maybe - just maybe - change our way of thinking??  Or at the minimum, accept that another person CAN have a viewpoint that differs from your own??  Because it's fucking scary, that's why.  We've become a nation that believes "changing our mind" means "flip-flopping" (thanks to political pundits and our sorry educational system, a stunningly large portion of people believe everything that happens on the bullshit box - AKA "television") and that the concept of "flip flopping" is baaaaaaaaaad.  Really??

Confession:  I *am* a "flip-flopper".  Oh, the shame.  The humanity!!

Yes, I am an opinionated person.  Yet, if I'm having an educated (civil) discussion about a topic and find out that I didn't know as much as I thought I did... if I was dead-on wrong about the subject??  I'd end up going home, mull things over, find various articles, read about the subject (preferably from both viewpoints), and will more than likely discuss the topic with other friends.  You know, gain a new perspective and all that shit??  Yep.  And guess what?  It's about a 50-50 chance that I might change my bloody mind.  That's right, Internet.  I said it.

Luckily, I have friends who are very diverse and who are also very accepting of my choices... I am, after all, an out-of-the-closet atheist.  Oh, and a liberal.  And a Massachusetts Yankee (living in the Bible Belt).  And a hedonist (by nature).  And I'm also child-free-by-choice.  I don't hide what I am.

So... do you feel like getting together?? Maybe having a couple of cocktails and talking about something interesting??  I'm in - if you are.

Rational dialogue for the win.

Let's Talk About...

Friends.  Companions.  Cohorts.  Cronies.  Mates.  Peas In A Pod.  Comrades.  Buddies.

Most importantly, the people who feed your soul.  No, I'm not discussing a spouse or lover.  What I'm thinking about is those who stand by you OUTSIDE of your (possibly fucked-up) family.  The go-to person (or people) who listen patiently to your drunk (or sober) rants, calls, texts, and who simply are THERE for you, judgement-free.  A support system you can turn to in any time of need - people who are there to give you moral support or send you a positive message just on a whim.  Because...

They love you.

You can be funny...
They love you.
You can be stupid and annoying and cray-cray...
They love you.
You can be sad, depressed, down and out...
They love you.
You can can cry over trivial things...
They love you.
You can laugh, grin, be silly...
They love you.
You can piss and moan about your family...
They love you.
You can enjoy silent moments that are not uncomfortable...
They love you.
You can be yourself (regardless of stereotypes)...
They love you.
You can be a shit-ton of miles away (in different time zones, even)...
They love you.
You can have opposing views, opinions, religious and political ideals...
They love you.
You can be radically different from each other...
They love you.
You can SIMPLY BE...
And they STILL love you.

I'm lucky to have people in my life like this.  Sometimes nothing more than a kind word can be the catalyst to the beginning of Something Great.  What may seem like a small gesture at the time... could be the beginning of an epic friendship.

It takes an open mind and an the ability to accept ANY possibility.  Try it.  What DO you have to lose????

A Jaunt To Mississippi.

I like road trips.
I like them all alone or with friends.
I like to go near and far.
I like to sing along with the radio.
I like looking at all the interesting things along the way.
I like having a destination or an idea of where I'm going.
I like stopping at road-side stands.
I like driving.

So, I went on a trip to Mississippi.  I did have a purpose...  to meet up with one of my very good friends (who happens to be a mere 90 miles away) and hang out for the day.  I really didn't want to leave - we had such a good time.  We went out to lunch and started watching "The Tudors" together.  Although she has the entire series, we talked so much (and paused the DVD quite often) that we only got through the first episode.

It was nice to get out of my extreme urban environment and go to a quiet rural environment.  I didn't even have to lock my car!!!!!  Seriously.

It was a great day - but there was someone missing.  So we sent cheesy selfies and texted him during our visit - hopefully, we kept him from dying of boredom at work.  Can't wait until we can all get together again.  And I do wish that we all lived closer - but I'll take what I can get and appreciate the friends I do have.

Coming back into the city wasn't bad, either.  Just the usual back-up by the Dome.  The temps have plummeted again and I'm tired of being COLD.

I'm also anxious - but that's simply because everything is up in the air right now.  <----- More on that, later.

Poor Grammar. The Name Game. Bad Buffets.

This post may be a little ramble-y, so please bear with me.  I can be a bit of a grouchy grammar-nazi. Oh, sure, some of the things I write on this blog are not grammatically correct or maybe even spelled right (although I use the spell check religiously); however, I do grasp the importance of being able to spell and write properly.  And, admittedly, I do pull a Judge-y McJudgerson when I see *text speak* - or when people write phonetically.  I tend to think that they are unintelligent and lazy (in that particular order, ThankYouVeryMuch) and can't be bothered with being correct.  Perfect example(s):

At Our Local Pet Store

Clerk (ringing me up):  "This weather be crazy!!  I was wearing a beach dress yesterday and sweating to beat the second line!!  Can you believe I'm now in snow pants???

(Can only understand a fraction of this until she repeats a second time)

Juggsy:  "I can't get used to it!!  One day I'm hot, one day I'm freezing.  Ugh!!  (All the while I'm trying to get my shit and "git" ASAP).

Clerk:  "This weather has certainly been by-ronic!!  We all gunna die from the flu and the ebola, too!!

Juggsy:  "Yes, the weather has been IRONIC (big emphasis on IRONIC) and I'm ready for spring." 

Clerk:  "Oh, baby girl!!  Bless  your heart!!  You've gotten my term wrong... it's BY-RONIC."  

No need to fight.  Just took my bags and left.  Seriously.  I do have to hand it to the clerk... she was outgoing, friendly, and could fucking multi-task.  I mean, telling me how my grammar sucked, while swiping my items through a scanner AND bagging.  Where is Donald Trump's next CEO when SHE'S RIGHT HERE???  Can I get a finders fee???  Pretty please???

The Names

Over the last month, I've noticed names and name tags.  Partially because of the culture, but others were just of the 'kr8ive" mind (it fucking KILLS ME to write "creative" that way).  Quite frankly, I just asked how they pronounce their own names, rather than embarrass myself.  Some are: 

• Rayvyn - seriously???  You needed to have two y's??)
• Ahlyviaa - AKA Olivia.  Horrid.  Oh, HORRID.
• Rainbow and Brooke Trout (identical twins).  Punny, at best.  But still gag-worthy.
• Dick (for a surname) - as in Rusty Dick.
• Shirma (pronounced Shah-Nee-Kwah) - gawd forbid you say it wrong!!

Bad Buffets

And why we don't eat at them, ever.  Unless highly recommended by other CFBC peeps...

I quit eating at buffets when we lived overseas.  Why?  Because 90% did not offer a buffet and of those that did, catered to the US (read: young, with children AND hugely also consisting of a large elderly population that may not have the money to do something better)... MASSIVELY huge family base restaurant with a handful of broke E1 or E2 soldiers going there, too.  I sincerely stopped going when I saw a toddler up to his ELBOWS in the mashed potatoes.  And when I went to get a manager...???  Her excuse happened to be "kid's will be kids."  NEVER.  NEVER again am I going to ANY buffet.  No fucking how, NO FUCKING WAY.  

Please don't worry about my blood-pressure.  It's very happy.  I'm going to see a good friend tomorrow, and she's the bomb diggity.  Just wish our other bestie could come and sing some Johnny Cash, too.

Lagnaiappe

A picture of me.  Oh, I'm sure this did something for someone.  Cheers.

Musical [Mood] Manipulators.

Yesterday and today happened to be odd-duck days.  I'm really not back on any type of schedule like I had been planning on (getting called into work = yay, girlie night sleepover = yay, not keeping up with my diet = boo!!) - trying to get to bed at the same time AND *gasp* wake up at the same time.  No schedule means that I can't really set my eating times, which throws me into a plethora of bad habits... one large meal a day, no breakfasts, going to bed hungry OR snacking before bedtime... and it all ends up on the same depressive path.

Put me on the NoFuckingWayTrain to Nopesville.  Because depression. is. not. happening. here.  Period.  Make it so, Number One!!

So, I've been listening to a bunch of music.  Here's basically what's been going on in my head today...

Tori Amos - 'Cornflake Girl'

I love her so much because she's a brilliant singer-songwriter and her piano playing is fabulous.

I fall easily into her mellow groove.  

Imagine Dragons - 'Radioactive' (Live at The Joint)

Not a huge fan of theirs - but this song makes me happy when it's played live.

Besides, I'm all about the post-apocalypse.  Really.  

Sinik (featuring James Blunt) - 'Je Réalise'

Sinik reminds me of all the times I got lost in France and yet found my way home again.

Tool - 'Sober'

I don't need to get "sober" - this song (and video) just reminds me of depression.

The little man who just can't seem to accomplish anything.  

Pink Floyd - 'Keep Talking'

I feel this way on a quite a regular basis.  

Sometimes, I do wonder if there is a point to it all or if it's just... filling a void.

U2 - 'Numb'

This could be one of my favorite U2 songs of all time.

Who hasn't been numb??

Malcolm McLaren - 'About Her'

"And it's too late to say you're sorry;

How would I know and why would I care?"

Tribute to mummy dearest.

The Verve Pipe - 'Photograph'

I hate having my picture taken.

"If there's a crease over time, there's many more where that came from."

Lady of the Sunshine - 'White Rose Parade'

This song encourages speeding.

That, of which I can assure you, I *never* do.

Syntax - 'Pride'

I could be the antagonist in this song...

Seriously.  

The music does help me through sometimes.  It can bring me higher than any known high and then bring me down like a gutter tramp in the street.  Music is majestic, all-encompassing, one of the best mental fucks you'll experience and then... you're LAUGHING.  You're CRYING.  You're screaming in RAGE.  You're offending someone in the next office, next car, next apartment, next condo, or next neighbor.  

And that is when the po-pos get called and then get right into your grill!!

One last song for a couple of my favorite people: CLICK HERE.  Love you guys - enough said!!

PS...  fuck the lyrics - if you like the song, I say OFFEND AWAY!!  And then I'm off for some bubbly and blow!!  You know... a bubble bath!!