Catching Up...

With some old friends from high school can be quite illuminating.  Brilliantly so.

Last night, I had the benefit of comparing the attention-seeking behavior of a certain person with someone I hadn't talked to since graduation.  We ended up in a discussion because of some rumors  that were told about me way back in the day.  Not really surprised... not after the crap I've put up with.  And the moodiness, and the excuses I told myself time and time again when I felt like I was being shit on and my feelings were being played like a goddamned instrument.

And I'm very happy to say, I wasn't wrong with my assessment of this particular person.  As-a-matter-of-fact, their personality hasn't changed since junior high... now, there is just a thin veneer of humility that they've slapped on.  When that rubs off... just say "hello" to the asshole.  I don't feel bad about giving someone another chance... what I feel horrible about is the fact that my gut instinct told me that there was NO WAY that someone could change THAT MUCH.  And for fuck's sake... was I right.

I finally get free of this toxic shit and guess what???  This person keeps popping up in small corners of my life.  The rants about not having relationships and whatever??  The inappropriate behavior and temper tantrums??  Keeping up the emotional merry-go-round and drama around every turn??  The inability to act like an adult and fuck off properly??

Sigh.  I can't see it happening.  Obsessive-compulsive people never. ever. stop.

A WTF Funk.

I am in a funk.  There's no reason for me to feel like this.  You know, first-world problems and all that happy horse shit.  But my brain doesn't ever just shut down - not even enough to get a good night's sleep without medication.  I'm not OCD or ADD or ADHD.  I haven't been diagnosed with any weird mental disease.  I'm not Off My Rocker.  My body simply doesn't provide enough of the chemicals that I need in order to relax or simply zone out and quit thinking.  

Which can be Very Frustrating at times.  Tonight happens to be one of Those Times.  

Sometimes I think in a constant loop.  Just like that shitty movie "Groundhog Day" (fuck, I hated that movie with a passion - it made me want to throat-punch Bill Murray) - the same thoughts keep happening over and over without any change.  Or I tend to look back and think of the mistakes I've made or certain choices I've made and I want things to be different.  Then it bothers me because I feel like I'm trying to lose myself or change an intrinsic part of my personality.  Other things make me angry and frustrated and I don't know how to fix them - or even if I want them to be fixed (which usually has a lot to do with my family).  Speaking of family...

I wonder if anyone in my immediate family ever thinks about me or just how broken we all are.  Somehow, I doubt it.  Dysfunction has turned into normal and it's accepted and I am the same as I've always been; an outlier.  How is it that I've felt this way for most of my life???  Despite the soul-searching and positive reinforcement given to me regarding certain choices that I've made, I still feel like I've fucked up or am utterly lacking in so many areas.

Why can't I just take a pill and assimilate into pop culture and be a vapid little lollipop girl???  It would be so. very. easy.  To never think about politics or religion or social issues.  To not-care about basic human rights.  To ditty-bop along and not worry about whether or not I'll have reproductive rights or even the ability to choose if I'd like to keep a pregnancy or not.  Why can't my whole life revolve around getting the newest Chanel perfume, Jimmy Choos, or wearing the latest haute couture???  Sometimes I envy those type of people.  They never seem to think.

Yet, I can't stop thinking.  WTF??

[Root] Beer For Breakfast. MuchToDo.

Oh, joyous Monday, you are here to remind us that there is another week in front of us, another weekend yet behind.  And I am actually up.  Apparently, I screwed up thinking that I was expecting someone this morning - and they are really arriving TOMORROW morning... so I set Chopper (my iPhone) to wake me up at 7:20 AM today.  So much for having all of my shit in one sock.  So much for sleeping in.   Le sigh.

We are low on Coke Zero here... so I swilled down my daily *vitamins* with a diet IBC [root] beer.  As much as I love root beer, the name always throws me off.  Why??  Because the acronym used could mean many things (some of which are quite gross):

• Irritable Bowel Cancer (and then I almost always think of the movie "Fight Club")
• Irate Butt Crack
• Inferior Bolt Cutters
• Incensed Busy Cunt

See???  It doesn't take much.  Or at least much for me to have my mind in the gutter.  So, that's my root beer confession for this morning.  

Unfortunately, I have a lot of things on my mind, cluttering up my head.  So, I started using lists.  Please let me vent now... because I *hate* making and then using lists (because in my stupid little mind, I become reliant on "the list").  And I tend to get frustrated when I write everything down - or at least THINK that I have everything on there I need - and yet forget one little something.  Fucking lists!!  And of course, the item I missed because of the ever-fucking list is the ONLY item I truly needed.

Save me.  Save me from lists.  And from myself.  And from my over thinking brain.  

Let me add some more excitement to this day.  Apparently, my husband put the candy bowl on the floor in order for me to wipe off the dining room table after a meal.  It doesn't take much for a DOG to figure out that the bowl is full of candy.  Said dog ate a whole candy cane (full size) - at least she didn't like the wrapper, because I've been picking pieces of that shit up all over the house.  

Pet Peeves. "Mrs StuckInSchool".

DISCLAIMER:  Lengthy Post.

Oh, social media.  I have such a love-hate relationship with you.  On one hand, I have "friends" on my Facebook that are only there because... well, I'm nosy and quite a few of them are complete and utter train-wrecks.  I mean, no one actually likes a train-wreck - but it's one of those dirty little things that you just can't help but watch.  Let's be honest... there is a whole CATEGORY of people who I just don't un-friend simply because there's almost always some kind of screwy drama going on in their life.  Some of the cray-cray they freely and regularly post is downright titillating.

And then there are the other "friends" - those who are not necessarily in the smash-crash category, yet they are just assholes in their own right.  The posts where you'll do a double-take and think "where in the jolly FUCK did THAT just come from?"

Pet Peeve Numero Uno

The fact is, unless you talk to someone on a regular basis (whether it by by messenger, text, telephone, email, etc...), most people on FB are not really your *friends* (per se).  They are acquaintances.  Big huge difference.  I might "like" a status every so often, but I don't actually interact with most of the (close to) 300 "friends" on my Facebook.  I find myself interacting with the same real friends every day.  The others??  I don't really care.  They are usually there for my amusement and I'll un-friend if they bore me.  

They are not FRIENDS.  They are acquaintances.  Learn the difference.

However...

Pet Peeve Numero Dos

Then there are the "Mrs StuckInSchool"** [women] who write statuses about drinking games and previously "being fat" - you know the type.  They hit their pinnacle, their prime, their best, before reaching the ancient age of 21.  They are the people who would go back in time JUST BECAUSE their experience in the public education penitentiary was just *the best*.  Usually, they were the über-popular preppy or sports-lettered douche-bags that almost everyone else despised.  Back in the day, they were bullies and usually quite unpleasant to those not in their clique.  

Well, they haven't changed.  Posting a picture of a piece of cheesecake with the idiotic hashtag of "foreverthefatgirl" (heads-up, peeps - that twat was never fat - and she wouldn't have wanted to go back to high school had she been) AND "thisiswhyicrossfit" (well, duh - we ALL KNOW you *crossfit* because you post your fucking exercise list on Facebook or Instagram EVERY day) just screams "Attention Whore!".  Nothing more, nothing less.  Oh, and it makes me think less of these "ladies" than I did before, if that is even possible. 

Oh, and let's not forget about posting all the beer-pong and drinking games you do at almost-forty.  It's pathetic and goes to show that some people never evolve.

PS...  I hid "Mrs StuckInSchool" from my newsfeed today because I wanted to hand her a steaming pile of sarcasm on a shit platter.  Being the upstanding adult I am, I vented to two of my best friends (one who talked me down - thank you!!) and so I didn't write anything nasty.  

Pet Peeve Numero Tres

Sometimes being an adult about things simply blows dead donkey dick.  Please see *Pet Peeve Numero Dos* for just one of the reasons (minus bills, car insurance, and long-term planning for expensive things) as to why being a grown-up can suck.

Pet Peeve Numero Cuatro

Passive-aggressive people.  It's one thing to be Politically Correct at times and it's also another thing to simply keep your trap shut if you know that you absolutely cannot say something nice.  I'm an atheist, but that doesn't mean that whenever an acquaintance (who may be religious) posts something god-tastic on their wall, I should then reply with a litany of why *I* think their religion sucks.  Which is why I find it so shitty when I write something or post an article about atheism and a religious person feels compelled to tell me that I need Jesus or Allah or L. Ron Hubbard.  Really????  

And it's almost always done in that sick, syrup-y sweet passive-aggressive fashion that I can't respond to unless I want to look like an absolute and utter bitch.  Because these people have made an art out of appearing like they actually care - and therefore, I'm supposed to thank them for underhandedly insulting me.  

Just give me the same consideration and keep your snarky little comments off my wall, mmmmmmmkay???

Pet Peeve Numero Cinco

The inconsiderate hippie bastards who live upstairs.  I'm tired of their shitty music, on a weeknight, when someone in this house has to get up at 5:30 AM to go to work.  I get that they are on a different "work" (which I'm really not sure that either one of them do steadily) schedule, but a little fucking consideration would go a long way.  

I will remedy this, however.  Tomorrow morning, I will be sure to play my music extremely loud around 8:00 AM.  This usually makes them think before playing recorders, tambourines, and bad Bob Dylan music until all hours (happens about once a week).  I'm thinking that some speed metal will hit the spot.  For me, at least.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So...  I could probably go on for a while more - but quite honestly, I think that this is enough for today.  Being negative is really not really productive, but ranting about what makes me crazy and getting it off my chest is very therapeutic.  

**Special thanks to TD - for the term "Mrs StuckInSchool".  You are so spot-on with that.