Monday, January 26, 2015

Cha-Cha-Changes.


Changes happen.  Oh, fuck, do they happen.  And we all roll with the punches of life, don't we??  Dealing with a mortgage, rent, utilities, work, and extra-curricular activities are absolutes.  If you don't pay your utilities, they will be shut off.  Everyone deals with the same issues and makes a change if necessary.  Don't have enough gas money each month??  Might have to switch priorities - the additional cell phone has to go OR the dining out once a week has to be canceled.  That's something every adult member of society (for the most part) can understand.  But the big question I have is:  why can't we admit to (or even consider) changing our minds???

Thoughts, ideas, theology, politics, hypotheses - these things are not solid.  They are fluid and malleable.  They can all be changed.  It can be a large thing that happens; an agnostic has a near-death experience and decides to find a religion that works... or it can be a small thing; you're given a hand-up and you decide to pay it forward.  Either way, your perspective has changed and you've decided to do something a little differently -regardless as to whether your conscious mind knows it or not.

Then why, oh why do people try and push their religious agenda on their fellow human beings by using the secular legal system?? Why can't we have an open dialogue, listen to the other side, and maybe - just maybe - change our way of thinking??  Or at the minimum, accept that another person CAN have a viewpoint that differs from your own??  Because it's fucking scary, that's why.  We've become a nation that believes "changing our mind" means "flip-flopping" (thanks to political pundits and our sorry educational system, a stunningly large portion of people believe everything that happens on the bullshit box - AKA "television") and that the concept of "flip flopping" is baaaaaaaaaad.  Really??

Confession:  I *am* a "flip-flopper".  Oh, the shame.  The humanity!!

Yes, I am an opinionated person.  Yet, if I'm having an educated (civil) discussion about a topic and find out that I didn't know as much as I thought I did... if I was dead-on wrong about the subject??  I'd end up going home, mull things over, find various articles, read about the subject (preferably from both viewpoints), and will more than likely discuss the topic with other friends.  You know, gain a new perspective and all that shit??  Yep.  And guess what?  It's about a 50-50 chance that I might change my bloody mind.  That's right, Internet.  I said it.

Luckily, I have friends who are very diverse and who are also very accepting of my choices... I am, after all, an out-of-the-closet atheist.  Oh, and a liberal.  And a Massachusetts Yankee (living in the Bible Belt).  And a hedonist (by nature).  And I'm also child-free-by-choice.  I don't hide what I am.

So... do you feel like getting together?? Maybe having a couple of cocktails and talking about something interesting??  I'm in - if you are.

Rational dialogue for the win.


Saturday, January 24, 2015

Let's Talk About...

Friends.  Companions.  Cohorts.  Cronies.  Mates.  Peas In A Pod.  Comrades.  Buddies.

Most importantly, the people who feed your soul.  No, I'm not discussing a spouse or lover.  What I'm thinking about is those who stand by you OUTSIDE of your (possibly fucked-up) family.  The go-to person (or people) who listen patiently to your drunk (or sober) rants, calls, texts, and who simply are THERE for you, judgement-free.  A support system you can turn to in any time of need - people who are there to give you moral support or send you a positive message just on a whim.  Because...

They love you.

You can be funny...
They love you.
You can be stupid and annoying and cray-cray...
They love you.
You can be sad, depressed, down and out...
They love you.
You can can cry over trivial things...
They love you.
You can laugh, grin, be silly...
They love you.
You can piss and moan about your family...
They love you.
You can enjoy silent moments that are not uncomfortable...
They love you.
You can be yourself (regardless of stereotypes)...
They love you.
You can be a shit-ton of miles away (in different time zones, even)...
They love you.
You can have opposing views, opinions, religious and political ideals...
They love you.
You can be radically different from each other...
They love you.
You can SIMPLY BE...
And they STILL love you.

I'm lucky to have people in my life like this.  Sometimes nothing more than a kind word can be the catalyst to the beginning of Something Great.  What may seem like a small gesture at the time... could be the beginning of an epic friendship.

It takes an open mind and an the ability to accept ANY possibility.  Try it.  What DO you have to lose????

Sunday, January 18, 2015

A WTF Funk.

I am in a funk.  There's no reason for me to feel like this.  You know, first-world problems and all that happy horse shit.  But my brain doesn't ever just shut down - not even enough to get a good night's sleep without medication.  I'm not OCD or ADD or ADHD.  I haven't been diagnosed with any weird mental disease.  I'm not Off My Rocker.  My body simply doesn't provide enough of the chemicals that I need in order to relax or simply zone out and quit thinking.  

Which can be Very Frustrating at times.  Tonight happens to be one of Those Times.  

Sometimes I think in a constant loop.  Just like that shitty movie "Groundhog Day" (fuck, I hated that movie with a passion - it made me want to throat-punch Bill Murray) - the same thoughts keep happening over and over without any change.  Or I tend to look back and think of the mistakes I've made or certain choices I've made and I want things to be different.  Then it bothers me because I feel like I'm trying to lose myself or change an intrinsic part of my personality.  Other things make me angry and frustrated and I don't know how to fix them - or even if I want them to be fixed (which usually has a lot to do with my family).  Speaking of family...

I wonder if anyone in my immediate family ever thinks about me or just how broken we all are.  Somehow, I doubt it.  Dysfunction has turned into normal and it's accepted and I am the same as I've always been; an outlier.  How is it that I've felt this way for most of my life???  Despite the soul-searching and positive reinforcement given to me regarding certain choices that I've made, I still feel like I've fucked up or am utterly lacking in so many areas.

Why can't I just take a pill and assimilate into pop culture and be a vapid little lollipop girl???  It would be so. very. easy.  To never think about politics or religion or social issues.  To not-care about basic human rights.  To ditty-bop along and not worry about whether or not I'll have reproductive rights or even the ability to choose if I'd like to keep a pregnancy or not.  Why can't my whole life revolve around getting the newest Chanel perfume, Jimmy Choos, or wearing the latest haute couture???  Sometimes I envy those type of people.  They never seem to think.

Yet, I can't stop thinking.  WTF??

Thursday, January 15, 2015

A Jaunt To Mississippi.

I like road trips.
I like them all alone or with friends.
I like to go near and far.
I like to sing along with the radio.
I like looking at all the interesting things along the way.
I like having a destination or an idea of where I'm going.
I like stopping at road-side stands.
I like driving.

So, I went on a trip to Mississippi.  I did have a purpose...  to meet up with one of my very good friends (who happens to be a mere 90 miles away) and hang out for the day.  I really didn't want to leave - we had such a good time.  We went out to lunch and started watching "The Tudors" together.  Although she has the entire series, we talked so much (and paused the DVD quite often) that we only got through the first episode.

It was nice to get out of my extreme urban environment and go to a quiet rural environment.  I didn't even have to lock my car!!!!!  Seriously.

It was a great day - but there was someone missing.  So we sent cheesy selfies and texted him during our visit - hopefully, we kept him from dying of boredom at work.  Can't wait until we can all get together again.  And I do wish that we all lived closer - but I'll take what I can get and appreciate the friends I do have.

Coming back into the city wasn't bad, either.  Just the usual back-up by the Dome.  The temps have plummeted again and I'm tired of being COLD.

I'm also anxious - but that's simply because everything is up in the air right now.  <----- More on that, later.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Poor Grammar. The Name Game. Bad Buffets.

This post may be a little ramble-y, so please bear with me.  I can be a bit of a grouchy grammar-nazi. Oh, sure, some of the things I write on this blog are not grammatically correct or maybe even spelled right (although I use the spell check religiously); however, I do grasp the importance of being able to spell and write properly.  And, admittedly, I do pull a Judge-y McJudgerson when I see *text speak* - or when people write phonetically.  I tend to think that they are unintelligent and lazy (in that particular order, ThankYouVeryMuch) and can't be bothered with being correct.  Perfect example(s):

At Our Local Pet Store

Clerk (ringing me up):  "This weather be crazy!!  I was wearing a beach dress yesterday and sweating to beat the second line!!  Can you believe I'm now in snow pants???

(Can only understand a fraction of this until she repeats a second time)

Juggsy:  "I can't get used to it!!  One day I'm hot, one day I'm freezing.  Ugh!!  (All the while I'm trying to get my shit and "git" ASAP).

Clerk:  "This weather has certainly been by-ronic!!  We all gunna die from the flu and the ebola, too!!

Juggsy:  "Yes, the weather has been IRONIC (big emphasis on IRONIC) and I'm ready for spring." 

Clerk:  "Oh, baby girl!!  Bless  your heart!!  You've gotten my term wrong... it's BY-RONIC."  

No need to fight.  Just took my bags and left.  Seriously.  I do have to hand it to the clerk... she was outgoing, friendly, and could fucking multi-task.  I mean, telling me how my grammar sucked, while swiping my items through a scanner AND bagging.  Where is Donald Trump's next CEO when SHE'S RIGHT HERE???  Can I get a finders fee???  Pretty please???

The Names

Over the last month, I've noticed names and name tags.  Partially because of the culture, but others were just of the 'kr8ive" mind (it fucking KILLS ME to write "creative" that way).  Quite frankly, I just asked how they pronounce their own names, rather than embarrass myself.  Some are: 
  • Rayvyn - seriously???  You needed to have two y's??)
  • Ahlyviaa - AKA Olivia.  Horrid.  Oh, HORRID.
  • Rainbow and Brooke Trout (identical twins).  Punny, at best.  But still gag-worthy.
  • Dick (for a surname) - as in Rusty Dick.
  • Shirma (pronounced Shah-Nee-Kwah) - gawd forbid you say it wrong!!
Bad Buffets
And why we don't eat at them, ever.  Unless highly recommended by other CFBC peeps...

I quit eating at buffets when we lived overseas.  Why?  Because 90% did not offer a buffet and of those that did, catered to the US (read: young, with children AND hugely also consisting of a large elderly population that may not have the money to do something better)... MASSIVELY huge family base restaurant with a handful of broke E1 or E2 soldiers going there, too.  I sincerely stopped going when I saw a toddler up to his ELBOWS in the mashed potatoes.  And when I went to get a manager...???  Her excuse happened to be "kid's will be kids."  NEVER.  NEVER again am I going to ANY buffet.  No fucking how, NO FUCKING WAY.  

Please don't worry about my blood-pressure.  It's very happy.  I'm going to see a good friend tomorrow, and she's the bomb diggity.  Just wish our other bestie could come and sing some Johnny Cash, too.

Lagnaiappe

A picture of me.  Oh, I'm sure this did something for someone.  Cheers.

Pre-Spring Purge.

Today, I went through a few boxes.  Five, to be exact - they were on the large side, too.  These had been packed (and put in storage) a few weeks before we moved to Germany (so they've been sitting around waiting for roughly 6+ years or so) and I finally opened them to discover...

Far more trash than treasure.  A fuck-ton of trash, really.  Two large black lawn garbage bags FULL o' trash.  There were some things that I physically looked at, touched, and then thought "why did I keep this unholy horror?"  I found my mother's old soufflĂ© pan (I'd like to bake her ass - needless to say:  TRASH!!).  I found my original Cabbage Patch doll dress (with no doll - WTF??).  Came across some old school papers (not from high school - but from my first year of college) - which were absolutely wretched.  It amazes me how much crap I had to churn out for a 100-level English course.  Why I kept this unnecessary stuff is the big question.  Why did I keep this??  I couldn't recall a specific memory attached... there were no personal notes nor commentary added... it was just a big blur.  I wonder if that's why we forget things when we start getting older??  It dims the highs in life just like it brightens the lows.  Maybe we aren't really meant to remember everything.  At least I hope not.  I'd probably come up lacking in the "true happiness" department.  Yet...

I did come across some gems.  My first expensive purse from Coach (why did I feel the need to put that in storage for years??) and some charms and jewelry from when I was a child.  A couple of amusing books, comic strips, and travel magnets.  Love letters (you know, snail mail!!).  Lists of books that I'd like to have.  And this big folder of clippings just full of "dream house" ideas (let me tell you, if I used all those ideas, my house would be pretty fucking tack-0-licious!!) - which I'm culling through because some of those ideas were GOOD ideas.  Just not all together, you know.

A part of me feels off-kilter and disconnected today.  Maybe that's why I decided to go through some things - maybe think a little bit about decisions and choices and paths and all that.  After all, hindsight is 20/20.  Too bad I couldn't tell the future.

If I could, I'd play the lottery every year.

Monday, January 12, 2015

[Root] Beer For Breakfast. MuchToDo.

Oh, joyous Monday, you are here to remind us that there is another week in front of us, another weekend yet behind.  And I am actually up.  Apparently, I screwed up thinking that I was expecting someone this morning - and they are really arriving TOMORROW morning... so I set Chopper (my iPhone) to wake me up at 7:20 AM today.  So much for having all of my shit in one sock.  So much for sleeping in.   Le sigh.

We are low on Coke Zero here... so I swilled down my daily *vitamins* with a diet IBC [root] beer.  As much as I love root beer, the name always throws me off.  Why??  Because the acronym used could mean many things (some of which are quite gross):

  • Irritable Bowel Cancer (and then I almost always think of the movie "Fight Club")
  • Irate Butt Crack
  • Inferior Bolt Cutters
  • Incensed Busy Cunt

See???  It doesn't take much.  Or at least much for me to have my mind in the gutter.  So, that's my root beer confession for this morning.  

Unfortunately, I have a lot of things on my mind, cluttering up my head.  So, I started using lists.  Please let me vent now... because I *hate* making and then using lists (because in my stupid little mind, I become reliant on "the list").  And I tend to get frustrated when I write everything down - or at least THINK that I have everything on there I need - and yet forget one little something.  Fucking lists!!  And of course, the item I missed because of the ever-fucking list is the ONLY item I truly needed.

Save me.  Save me from lists.  And from myself.  And from my over thinking brain.  

Let me add some more excitement to this day.  Apparently, my husband put the candy bowl on the floor in order for me to wipe off the dining room table after a meal.  It doesn't take much for a DOG to figure out that the bowl is full of candy.  Said dog ate a whole candy cane (full size) - at least she didn't like the wrapper, because I've been picking pieces of that shit up all over the house.  

Saturday, January 10, 2015

I Want This. WTF??? Big Lebowski Fail.

And it's unavailable right now.  I can hardly type because the tears are just rolling down my face.  Bastages!!  So, here is my letter:

Mrs Juggsy B
A Street
NOLA, LA

January 10, 2015

414 Baxter Avenue
Louisville, KY

Dear Sirs*,

For months I have been wanting to yell at you to TAKE MY FUCKING MONEY already so that I can order this shirt you have FEATURED on your Lebowski Fest Website.  Just in case you don't know what tee-shirt is out of stock, please - let me post some pictures of it:


This is what it says on the front, dim bulbs.


And this is what it says in the back.


I simply demand a re-supply of these beauties.  ASAP.  Don't make me call Boyd Crowder and have him take over your raggedy-ass business.  Because I know people who know people who know OTHER people.  This outcome would not be in your favor.

With Highest Personal Regards,
Juggsy

*(yes, I'm sure that if your organization is represented 'correctly' the salutation must be Sirs)

Friday, January 9, 2015

Musical [Mood] Manipulators.

Yesterday and today happened to be odd-duck days.  I'm really not back on any type of schedule like I had been planning on (getting called into work = yay, girlie night sleepover = yay, not keeping up with my diet = boo!!) - trying to get to bed at the same time AND *gasp* wake up at the same time.  No schedule means that I can't really set my eating times, which throws me into a plethora of bad habits... one large meal a day, no breakfasts, going to bed hungry OR snacking before bedtime... and it all ends up on the same depressive path.

Put me on the NoFuckingWayTrain to Nopesville.  Because depression. is. not. happening. here.  Period.  Make it so, Number One!!

So, I've been listening to a bunch of music.  Here's basically what's been going on in my head today...

I love her so much because she's a brilliant singer-songwriter and her piano playing is fabulous.
I fall easily into her mellow groove.  

Not a huge fan of theirs - but this song makes me happy when it's played live.
Besides, I'm all about the post-apocalypse.  Really.  

Sinik reminds me of all the times I got lost in France and yet found my way home again.

I don't need to get "sober" - this song (and video) just reminds me of depression.
The little man who just can't seem to accomplish anything.  

I feel this way on a quite a regular basis.  
Sometimes, I do wonder if there is a point to it all or if it's just... filling a void.

This could be one of my favorite U2 songs of all time.
Who hasn't been numb??

"And it's too late to say you're sorry;
How would I know and why would I care?"
Tribute to mummy dearest.

I hate having my picture taken.
"If there's a crease over time, there's many more where that came from."

This song encourages speeding.
That, of which I can assure you, I *never* do.

I could be the antagonist in this song...
Seriously.  


The music does help me through sometimes.  It can bring me higher than any known high and then bring me down like a gutter tramp in the street.  Music is majestic, all-encompassing, one of the best mental fucks you'll experience and then... you're LAUGHING.  You're CRYING.  You're screaming in RAGE.  You're offending someone in the next office, next car, next apartment, next condo, or next neighbor.  

And that is when the po-pos get called and then get right into your grill!!

One last song for a couple of my favorite people: CLICK HERE.  Love you guys - enough said!!

PS...  fuck the lyrics - if you like the song, I say OFFEND AWAY!!  And then I'm off for some bubbly and blow!!  You know... a bubble bath!!  

Thursday, January 1, 2015

New Day. New Year.

Full of bad habits.  Ha!!

Still haven't cleaned off my desk... Marty Moose is hidden by piles of paper, comic books, pens, my jot-book-notebook, Sharpies, and various notes that I've written to myself (when I can't find my "I want it journal").  Tomorrow is another day, and I'll get it done then.  I'm not stressing over something so trivial (although I might end up losing my wireless keyboard in the clutter - the horror!!!).

No cooking today.  Ordered from one of our local Italian places (they deliver) for lunch... dinner was fried chicken from Popeye's.  My stomach will probably be in revolt in a little while, but ZOMG.  The deliciousness!!

I was a bit hung over from the party last night.  So I napped most of the afternoon (after overloading on stromboli carbs).  So did the dog and the husband, so I feel no guilt.  It was a lazy family day and this is definitely not an indicator of how the rest of year will go.  I am working on plans, I tell you!!

Soon, I'll post some of my goals for 2015.  Let me assure you, the list won't be long!!!

I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year!!

PS...  If EA doesn't release the Sims 4 on Mac soon, I am going to be seriously rage-y!!!